“Success is stumbling from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

Growing up, I wish I knew failure was never a means to an end, but merely another passage in the script of life. It was never frowned upon in my family, but it was never spoken about either. I always just assumed that failure was bad, and success was good and didn’t realise that one simply made the other possible. As parents, one of our most important roles is to teach our children how to cope with failure. Failure is an inevitable part of life, and how we respond to it can significantly impact our resilience, growth, and overall wellbeing. Helping our children develop a healthy attitude towards failure is crucial for their personal and academic success. Let’s explore effective strategies for coping with failure, using the CRASHING INTO POTENTIAL Framework: Choices, Mindset, Goals, and Perseverance.

Understanding Failure

Put your hand up if you’ve failed…

*every successful person that has ever lived puts their hand up*

Failure is an unavoidable part of life and an essential element of personal growth. It doesn't define us but shapes us, offering valuable lessons when develop resilience. As parents, it's crucial to help children see failure as a result that didn't meet expectations rather than a reflection of their worth or potential. By encouraging them to analyse failures, we can help them gain insights for future efforts. Experiencing failure builds resilience – the ability to bounce back from setbacks – which is crucial for long-term success. Normalizing failure by sharing stories of successful individuals who faced multiple failures helps children understand that everyone experiences it and that failure is a stepping stone to success. This perspective empowers them to face challenges head-on, learn from their experiences, and move forward with confidence and determination.

Choices: Responding to Failure

When it comes to dealing with failure, the choices we make in response are crucial. Helping children understand that they have the power to choose their reaction to failure is an important step in building resilience and self-confidence. Encourage your child to take a moment to reflect on what went wrong and why, seeing each setback as an opportunity for growth and learning. Teach them to extract lessons from their mistakes, improving their skills and strategies for future challenges. Resilience is built through perseverance, so motivate them to keep trying even after experiencing failure. It's also important for children to know it's okay to ask for help when needed, whether from parents, teachers, or friends. Encourage a positive, optimistic outlook to better handle the emotional impact of failure and stay motivated. Lastly, help them set realistic, achievable goals that take into account the lessons learned from their failure, providing clear direction and renewed motivation to succeed. By guiding children to make constructive choices in response to failure, we empower them to see setbacks not as roadblocks but as stepping stones to success. Here are some things you can ask your children IF (and that’s a big IF) they tell you about their failure:

• "What do you think you can learn from this experience?"
• "How can you approach this challenge differently next time?"
• "What choices can you make now to improve your situation?"

Mindset: Embracing a Growth Perspective

Adopting a growth mindset is essential in helping children cope with failure. A growth mindset, as popularised by psychologist Carol Dweck, is the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work. When children embrace this perspective, they see failures not as indicators of their limitations but as opportunities for growth and learning. Encouraging your child to view setbacks as a natural part of the learning process helps them understand that effort and persistence are key to overcoming challenges. Remind them that even successful people face failures, but what sets them apart is their resilience and determination to keep pushing forward. By fostering a growth mindset, we can help children build the confidence to tackle difficulties, learn from their experiences, and continue striving towards their goals, turning failures into stepping stones for future success. Here’s some more verbal gold for you to use:

• "How can this experience help you grow?"
• "What skills do you think you need to work on to succeed next time?"
• "How do you think effort and practice can change the outcome?"

Goals: Setting New Objectives

Setting new goals is a vital part of coping with failure, as it shifts focus from what went wrong to what can be achieved next. Encourage your child to reflect on their experiences and identify specific areas for improvement. This process helps them understand that failure is not an endpoint but a stepping stone towards growth. Guide them in setting realistic and attainable objectives that build on their strengths and address their weaknesses. Breaking larger goals into smaller, manageable steps can make the path to success more approachable and less overwhelming. Celebrating progress along the way reinforces their efforts and motivates them to keep moving forward. By setting new goals, children can transform their setbacks into opportunities for development, fostering a proactive attitude and resilience that will serve them well throughout their lives.

Dinner Table Discussion Questions:

• "What is one thing you can do differently next time?"
• "What small steps can you take towards your goal?"
• "How can you measure your progress?"

Perseverance: Encouraging Persistence

Encouraging perseverance is crucial in helping children cope with failure. Teach your child that persistence is the key to overcoming obstacles and achieving long-term success. Share stories of famous individuals who faced multiple failures before achieving their goals, highlighting how their determination led to eventual triumph. Reinforce the idea that every setback is an opportunity to learn and grow stronger. Help your child develop a habit of self-reflection, allowing them to identify what went wrong and how they can improve. Support them in setting incremental milestones and celebrate each achievement, no matter how small, to build their confidence and motivation. Emphasize the importance of maintaining a positive attitude and staying committed to their goals, even when the going gets tough. By fostering a mindset of perseverance, you empower your child to tackle challenges head-on and develop the resilience needed to navigate life's ups and downs successfully. If your kids come to you with a battle scar, when you’re tucking your kids into bed, here are a few questions for them to sleep on:

• "What keeps you motivated to keep trying?"
• "How do you handle feelings of frustration when things don't go as planned?"
• "What strategies can you use to stay focused and persistent?"

Coping with failure is a critical skill that helps children build resilience and confidence. By focusing on choices, mindset, goals, and perseverance, we can equip our children with the tools they need to turn setbacks into opportunities for growth. Remember, every failure is a chance to learn and improve, and with our support, our children can develop the resilience and self-belief they need to thrive. Let's empower our children to embrace failure as a natural part of life and to keep striving towards their goals with courage and determination.

“Let the fear of failure be the background noise of your success" – Giovanni Dienstmann