After sustaining a brain injury, I found it difficult to connect with my emotions, which is a common occurrence of a severe Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). Luckily for me, I could still – to some degree – understand when to be empathetic and ‘disguise’ different emotions. Much better these days (but not perfect of course… but who is right?), I have a greater understanding of my emotions and human emotions in general.
As parents, one of our most significant responsibilities is helping our children navigate the, sometimes difficult, world of emotions. From the highs of joy and excitement to the lows of sadness and frustration, emotions play a central role in shaping our children's experiences and interactions with the world around them. Our ability to show feelings like empathy and gauge the feelings of our friends and family is what defines our interpersonal relationships and shapes our personalities, so learning to manage emotions effectively is a crucial skill that lays the foundation for resilience, healthy relationships, and overall wellbeing.
Understanding Emotions
School-aged children and young people are still learning to identify and understand their emotions, why they happen, and how to manage them appropriately. This is known as emotional regulation. Children (*and sometimes adults with a brain injury) are still learning how to regulate their emotions. This is something we must teach our children, but before we can it's essential to understand what emotions are and how they impact behaviour.
Emotions are our natural reactions to events occurring both within and outside of us, influencing our behaviour and social interactions. Each emotion is accompanied by its own set of physical sensations, making it easier for us to recognise and express our feelings effectively. By becoming attuned to these bodily cues, we can better articulate and manage a range of emotions in various situations.
Creating a Safe Space for Expression
One of the most important ways we can support kids in managing their emotions is by creating a safe and supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves. Encourage open communication and active listening and validate your child's feelings without judgment or criticism. Emotions are relative to the individual experiencing them. What may seem like a small emotion to the average Joe, maybe a big emotion to a kid who is experiencing it, so keep an open (and supportive) mind. Let them know that it's okay to feel sad, angry, or frustrated, and reassure them that you're there to support them through whatever emotions they feel.
Teaching Coping Strategies
In the CRASHING INTO POTENTIAL programs, we aim to provide kids with a toolbox of coping strategies to overcome challenges, so it’s your job to provide your child with a toolbox of coping strategies to manage their emotions. One of the biggest defence mechanisms again big emotions is with us all the time. Our breath! When big emotions pop up, teach your kids to stop, take 10 deep deep deep breathes, and count backwards from 10. This simple exercise shifts the focus from what’s happening on the outside world, to what’s happening on the inside world.
Encourage activities physical activities like dancing or jumping on a trampoline to release built-up energy. Help them identify activities that help them feel calm and grounded and encourage them to use these strategies when they're feeling overwhelmed or upset.
Teach Your Kids to Use “I” Statements
Utilising "I" statements is an effective communication strategy that helps children express their feelings clearly and constructively, which is crucial for managing emotions. When children use "I" statements, they focus on their own experiences and emotions rather than placing blame on others, reducing defensiveness and fostering more empathetic interactions. For example, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," a child might say, "I feel upset when I don't get a chance to talk." This approach encourages children to take ownership of their feelings and communicate their needs respectfully. Teaching children to use "I" statements can help them articulate their emotions more effectively, navigate conflicts peacefully, and build healthier relationships with peers and family members. It also empowers them to assert their needs and boundaries in a constructive manner, promoting emotional intelligence and self-awareness. By mastering this skill, children can better regulate their emotional responses and develop resilience in the face of life's challenges.
Modelling Healthy Emotion Regulation
Children often learn how to manage their emotions by observing the adults around them, making it crucial for us as parents to model healthy emotion regulation. When we demonstrate effective ways to control our emotions, we provide our kids with handy examples of how to navigate their own. This involves expressing emotions in constructive and appropriate ways, such ways that we’ve just spoken about. Additionally, it’s important to show how to cope with mistakes and setbacks positively by discussing what happened, acknowledging the emotions involved, and exploring ways to move forward. By openly managing stress and demonstrating resilience in challenging situations, we show our kids that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and that there are healthy ways to handle them.
This is easier said than done, especially in the heat of the moment, but through consistent, empathetic, and composed behaviour, we can significantly influence our kids’ ability to regulate their emotions, fostering emotional intelligence and resilience that will benefit them throughout their lives.
Encouraging Problem-Solving Skills
Encouraging problem-solving skills in children is a powerful way to help them manage their emotions and navigate challenges effectively. When children learn to approach problems methodically, they gain confidence in their ability to handle difficult situations and emotions. Start by teaching them to identify the problem and articulate it clearly, which can reduce feelings of being overwhelmed. Guide them to brainstorm possible solutions and evaluate the pros and cons of each option, fostering critical thinking and decision-making skills. This can encourage them to go into the memory bank and look back at other times these emotions have come up and draw on past experiences.
Encourage them to try out a chosen solution and reflect on the outcome, discussing what worked well and what could be improved next time. This process not only helps children develop practical problem-solving skills but also promotes emotional regulation. By breaking down problems into manageable steps, children can feel more in control and less anxious. Additionally, involving them in problem-solving discussions can make them feel heard and valued, boosting their self-esteem. As they become more skilled at solving problems, they will be better equipped to handle emotional challenges, building resilience and a positive mindset towards overcoming obstacles. Through consistent practice, children learn that while emotions are a natural part of life, they have the tools and strategies to manage them effectively if they can.
Seeking Professional Support When Needed
Recognising when to seek professional support for your child is a crucial aspect of helping them manage their emotions effectively. While parents play a vital role in providing emotional guidance, there are times when a child might benefit from the expertise of a mental health professional. Therapists, counsellors, and psychologists are trained to help children understand and cope with their emotions, providing tools and strategies that are tailored to their individual needs. If your child is exhibiting persistent signs of emotional distress, such as prolonged sadness, excessive anxiety, changes in behaviour, or difficulty managing everyday activities, it may be time to consider professional help.
Seeking professional support can be particularly beneficial for addressing underlying issues that may not be immediately apparent, such as trauma, learning difficulties, or social challenges. Mental health professionals can work with children to develop coping mechanisms, improve emotional regulation, and build resilience. They also provide a safe and neutral space for children to express their feelings without fear of judgment, which can be incredibly therapeutic.
Having a brain injury comes with many big emotions and to help me with this, I’ve been in contact with a psychologist for 15 years. I’ve had the pleasure of working with both neuropsychologists to understand how my brain injury has affected my emotions, and clinical psychologists for my emotional regulation, both being extremely beneficial.
At the end of the day, helping our children learn to manage their emotions is an important part of parenting. Learning as much as we can about emotions and constructive ways to deal with them, will put our kids on the right path to success. By doing this, we can empower them to navigate their emotions effectively and build resilience for life's challenges.
